Resources
When we lost our son, we weren't sure what to do. We searched the internet for answers... Why did this happen? Could we have prevented it, and what do we do now? Our goal is to provide a resource center for you to learn, grieve, and educate others.
WHAT NOW?
Firstly, we are so sorry for your loss. We've been in your shoes & want to provided what has helped us grieve the loss of our son, Bastion. Many of these link to articles that Autumn had written while grieving, if you'd like to read more.
HOW TO COPE
This is going to be quite different for everyone. There are the 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Which is just a basis point, not a tell-all. For me (Brandon), it came in the form of; shock, sadness, confusion/anger (why me?), shopping, donating, depression, and finally acceptance.
It was really important for us, as a couple, to talk with each other. If you aren't able to communicate your thoughts with your significant other, try talking with a parent, sibling, friend, or find a Facebook group. If you're still having trouble finding someone to talk to, there are plenty of books and videos made for this situation.
A therapist is highly beneficial. This helped us greatly in our first months without him.
I'd like to add a bit more of coping mechanisms we used:
• Retail Therapy - Boy did we shop. I set out to find something I could wear with Bastion's ashes. I found an Etsy shop that made a bracelet with my son's name engraved. We bought a weighted teddy bear, a shadow box, bracelets, beads to make bracelets, picture frames, the list goes on. Maybe this is considered unhealthy, but all of it made us feel better. At the very least, get a teddy bear to cuddle with (even better if you already had one ready for your baby). I can't tell you how much this helped.
• Donating - This was and still is a coping mechanism for us. We searched for charities to donate to, but had a hard time finding one that fit what we were looking for. We created Still Loved for this reason.
• Depression
It is so important to get help if you are experiencing depression.
Please, if you have suicidal thoughts, seek help! Suicide hotline: 800-273-8255
Easy therapy access: BetterHelp, TalkSpace, or Online Counseling
If you still aren't sure what therapist to choose, Hallie Scott has worked with bereaved parents for the last 10 years and may be right for you.
10 WAYS TO COPE WITH BABY LOSS
CREATING MEMORIES AT THE HOSPITAL
If you're at the hospital, you may feel like you have no idea what to do. We don't want you to have regrets, so linked below will be a list of things to do with your stillborn or angel baby. Cherish any time you have. I don't think there will ever be a time where thinking of our stay in the hospital won't make me cry. I held him, talked to him, sang songs, showed him videos, and napped near him. But these are our only memories with him, outside of pregnancy.
BUILDING MEMORIES AT THE HOSPITAL WITH YOUR STILLBORN
EXPLAINING YOUR LOSS
Telling family and friends about your tragedy is difficult. Some people won't know what to say and some wont say anything at all. You have enough going on, don't worry about making others feel good or special. It's important to take care of yourself and your immediate family. The hardest part for us was telling our 2 year old -- "We thought we were giving our daughter the ultimate gift... a baby brother. Instead we set her up for the biggest let down of our lives."
DONATE & HELP OTHERS
DONATE YOUR BIRTHDAY ON FACEBOOK
Facebook has an option on your birthday to donate to a non-profit. It'll be broadcasted to all of your friends that you are raising money for that cause. Still Loved isn't available yet as a FB donation option, but there are plenty of other charities you can choose from.
EDUCATE YOURSELF AND OTHERS
After you go through a tragedy like this, you find out that it is more common than you previously realized. Could your doctors have told you anything to help prevent this? Did they express to you that kicks counting can be a matter of life or death?
It is important to know that- this is in NO WAY your fault.
As you learn more about your situation, don't be afraid to share the information with friends and family. Hopefully they never have to go through the same experience. #BreakTheSilence
OTHER NON-PROFITS
MISCARRIAGE MATTERS INC
Miscarriage Matters Inc. is a 501(c)3 recognized charitable organization, offering global support to Mothers and Fathers devastated by Miscarriage or Stillbirth through programs that educate the public, inspire healing through service to others, and empower the hurting.
You can buy their book on Amazon
MELODY'S PROMISE
They started this Foundation in their daughter's honor. Their goal is to provide support to families that had a living child during the time of their loss. This will be done through support boxes and they want to add play dates and pen pals at a later date.
https://www.facebook.com/MelodysPromiseboxes/
BABY LOSS DIARY (BLOG)
The Baby Loss Diary is a place where moms and dads can go to relate to each other. The goal of this blog is to show bereaved parents and family members how other parents got through this tragedy. Hopefully, the Baby Loss Diary can help show others the mind of a loss parent trying to navigate life after a loss
RECOMMENDED BOOKS
- IN MEMORY OF YOU: A GUIDED MEMORIAL JOURNAL
- EMPTY CRADLE, BROKEN HEART
- IT'S OK THAT YOU'RE NOT OK
- HOPE BEYOND AN EMPTY CRADLE
- HOLDING ON TO LOVE AFTER YOU'VE LOST A BABY
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- THE BABY LOSS GUIDE
- LOVED BABY: 31 DEVOTIONS
- I LOVE YOU STILL
- GRIEVING THE CHILD I NEVER KNEW
- ALMOST A MOTHER
- NO MATTER HOW SMALL
MEMORIAL GIFTS
BIRTH MONTH FLOWER NECKLACE
ACTUAL BABY FOOTPRINT NECKLACE
CASTS OF BABIES’ HANDS AND FEET
ENGRAVED HANDPRINT WOODEN ORNAMENT
NEWBORN FOOTPRINTS KEEPSAKE
JAZMYNSCANDYSHOP
ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS SYMPATHY GIFT
PARENTS & BABY CUSTOMIZABLE ART
BABY HAND AND FEET CASTING
BABY FOOTPRINTS WOODEN ORNAMENT
THEGOODGRACECO
FACEBOOK GROUPS
- GRIEF SUPPORT: REMEMBERING LOVED ONES
- STILLBIRTH AND INFANT LOSS SUPPORT GROUP
- TTC AFTER MISCARRIAGE & LOSS